FPS Remy

I just played some Halo Reach for the first time in a while. After playing so much of the Gears of War 3 beta, I was really struggling. I really deserved to be in Team Shitty Shotty at this point – I couldn’t aim properly at all. I was randomly armour-locking all over the place and kept throwing grenades when I meant to reload. AND Bungie have added new maps, and to make matters worse, changed around all the weapons and some of the terrain on the maps I used to know. My first game was pretty bad.. -3 K/D and last on the team on points, even though we won pretty handily. Onto yet another new map, I can’t even remember it’s name – but at least it was DMR Slayer, which is usually my favourite. I took Armour Lock again and started out, well, doing nothing really. Luckily the matchmaking was (as always) pretty good and so it was at a score of about 20-20 in the game when I noticed I didn’t even have a single kill! I got another assist though and then promptly died to a grenade :-/ As it was a big wide open map I decided to switch to Hologram. No-one else was using it so I figured it would help the team out more, and it would be less disastrous when I randomly pressed LB for my non-existant Gears Tac-Com.

Hologram Trickery

Immediately my hologram started to confuse the other team as it usually does at first on big maps. I sent it off to stand in a nice looking sniper spot and saw their bullets flying towards it, so I zoomed in, aimed at the enemy would-be-sniper-killer, and BOOM HEAD SHOT! A kill right away, then I shot at some more distant enemies and saw some others running towards my teammates. I tracked them across the map, stripping their shields with pops from my DMR and then BOOM HEAD SHOT! and another one went down as my teammates stripped his shields! BOOM HEADSHOT!! The enemy team all started firing on me and got my health down into the red so I hid for a moment behind some columns, sliding around and watching the scanner to get an idea of what was going on around me. My shields popped back up just as an enemy had closed in on me, however I turned around and… BOOM HEADSHOT!!! Then another one came at me, only to be met with the HEADSHOT!! “Killing Spree” boomed the announcer. Not that I’m great at any FPS but it was like all my skills had suddenly come back to me at once!

Double BOOM! HEADSHOT!!

I muttered over the mic to my friend Ups55 about how I needed a health pack but I had no idea where to find one on this map, but I moved back in the direction our team seemed to be spawning and a vague memory from earlier proved right – I grabbed the health and went back to the area I’d sussed out a bit and started firing again… BOOM HEADSHOT! Oh you want some more too? BOOM HEADSHOT!!! The enemy team had the Energy Sword and were rushing in on Ups in an area down a ramp from my position, but Ups hit his armour lock at the perfect moment, leaving the enemy swordsman and cohorts grouped up and floundering, so I threw some grenades into the midst to strip their shields and fired my DMR into the smoke whilst strafing away from them.. can you guess what happened next? THAT’S RIGHT THE HEADSHOT!! THE HEADSHOT!! I then ran down to the lower area where there was a single survivor – who was now surrounded by our whole team, so confused he had his back to me and I assassinated him for the stylish kill in front of the team.

Surround. Assassinate. And Kill!

I then moved back to my favourite higher area, weaving in and out of columns as we had a large team-shotting battle… my teammates were going down around me, but I just kept sending out the hologram to distract and guess what happened man? BOOM! HEADSHOT!!… but all of the enemy team were re-spawning nearby. I carpetted the area with grenades to hold them back.. “Killing Frenzy” the announcer boomed again.. I can DANCE ALL DAY! I CAN DANCE ALL DAY! BOOOM! HEADSHOT!!!.. but eventually 3 enemies got to me at once and overran my postion.
I sighed that I had to die eventually, but afterwards I check and I’d got 11 kills in a row, 9 by headshot, and I’d gone from last place on our team to 1st in not much over a minute. No power-weapons, no camping, no cheese, no intimate map knowledge to help me – just aiming and moving and working as a team… oh and an enemy team that obviously wasn’t too great at dealing with DMRs and holograms anyway 😉 The final score – 50-47, so it’s just as well I went on this spree, or we would’ve lost badly.

This article is ode to FPS Doug, one of the greatest videogame characters of all time. 🙂

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